ATM How not to take apart cemented optics. :-)

["Sam Michael" <samm@idcomm.com>]

I recently decided to take apart a cemented optic out of a laser system to
examine and measure the curves and glass used.

I believed that if I got the optic to about 500 Farenheit, the glue would
break down and the pieces would fall apart.

I needed a way to bring the temperature of the optic up very slowly and very
evenly.  I decided that a "bath in an oven" was the best and easiest way to
proceed.

A small stainless steel mixing bowl seemed the ideal container.

In thinking about an ideal bath, something that has solvent properties and
also a very high boiling point, I decided on Automotive brake fluid.

I placed the optic in the bowl completely submerged in the bath on its side,
placed it in the oven and set it for 350 degrees initially.  40 minutes
later, I noticed some smoking coming out of the front of the oven and from
the oven vent on top of the stove.  I decided the best way to deal with
this, was to place a cardboard tube above the stack so as to direct towards
the exhaust fan without stinking up the whole house.  I, my wife and my kids
were playing "yahtzee" on the kitchen table while all this was going on and
being a very considerate husband and father, I didn't want to choke out my
family.

I also decided to move the oven cleaning lock into the locked position so
that it would seal the front better.  There,  that took care of it!

With only a minor bit of whining from my beautiful wife who simply DOESN'T
understand why these experiments are necessary during family activities and
using common usage items such as the family oven I proceded with the project
and TURNED UP THE TEMPERATURE to 500 Farenheit.

Back to "yahtzee"...

About 20 minutes later at almost the exact moment that my daughter RUDELY
screamed "Yahtzee!" for the fifth time, she was joined in her jubilation by
a sudden explosion.

I quickly calmed everyone down and explained that the smoke now pouring out
of the oven was "QUITE NORMAL".  That probably what happened was nothing
more than one of the element coming apart...  I speculated that the glue
must somehow have a vapor pressure at this temperature that I hadn't count
on and that this had forced the elements apart and there was just a
"BIT-O-SPLASHING".  Nothing to worry about...

We just open a few windows, clear out the smoke and prop a chair against the
oven door to seal things better...   That all...  No need to worry...

The problem with kids and women today is they also fail to appreciate what
an out doorzy experience this could have been for all of us.  So what, the
temperature outside was on 10 Degrees faranheit!  Have they no sense of
adventure?

I explained to my wife that it was no big deal to open the windows.  After
all, burning brake fluid fumes may have some MILD toxicity and this would
ensure that we breath CLEAN FRESH AIR.

The problem with American households in the winter is that they are too
TIGHT!  This is not healthy!  We should ALL replace the air during the
winter at least once every two weeks.  This whole event is really a BLESSING
... if you look at the right way.

I sent the kids upstairs and told them to get their coats on.  There is no
reason to quit playing....

A few minutes later, we were interrupted with another loud explosion.  BAM!!
This time, some blackened stove insulation blasted out of the oven vent on
top of the stove.  I decided that perhaps I should shut the oven down.  NOT
that this is a failed experiment...  Just that my family is full of "worry
warts"... BROTHER!

Once again, I reassured everyone that this was ALL perfectly SAFE.

After the third explosion two minutes later, my wife calmly told the
children that it was "TOO COLD" to play yahtzee!  All this because my son's
fingers were turning a mild shade of blue and he was talking through his
teeth...  This despite the fact that they were now ENJOYING the explosions.
Laughing over Dad's latest catastrophic experiment and thinking of how best
to tell their friends about my latest disaster, they navigated the smoke
filled room and headed up the stairs to their bedrooms being reminded
several times to close their doors behind them to avoid filling their rooms
with smoke.

I stared back at my wife who very snidely stared at me while tapping her
foot.  What? I explaimed!  It's not like I didn't plan on replacing this
oven SOMEDAY anyway!

ALL THIS DID was simply pick the time and the place...  Why must we dwell on
the NEGATIVES all the time?  Can't we just concentrate on the BLESSINGS?  I
had a beautiful double oven sitting the garage waiting to go in for the last
year.  All I needed to do was to just apportion some time to put it in...
in the near future...  as soon as I had room on my plate...  BESIDES, we
ONLY use the oven to bake pizza which I was really getting tired of anyway!
How healthy is pizza, once a week!?  She just needed to focus on the
BLESSINGS of all of this...

The explosions strangely continued - as did the billowing smoke.  This
despite the fact that the oven was off!  Something was odd.  The number of
explosions had by now exceeded the number of elements in the cemented optic.
Is it possible that brake fluid is combustable???!!

Could VALVOLINE have been so INCOMPETENT when formulating this material?
Brakes get hot!  WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!!

It was obvious to me that I had discovered a MAJOR flaw in the formulation
of break fluid.  I would have to bring this matter to valvolines attention.
I MAY have saved MANY LIVES!  I explained all of this to my wife who
eventually let out a smile and then burst out laughing!

A couple of hours later, the oven finally allowed me to slide the lever
forward and remove my optic.  I now had about 1/4 the brake fluid I started
out with.  Although not all of the elements came apart. I did now have two
segments...  Doesn't peanut oil have a high flash point?   Perhaps hydraulic
fluid...  I also have some MURCURY sitting around here somewhere.  THAT
MIGHT DO IT!  After all, I think I may be able to clean this oven out
anyway.  The cleaning cycle SHOULD burn away all those nasty organics.  BUTT
TT, since the oven is already dirty anyhow, this is the perfect time to try
another fluid.  This time, I need to take it to 550...

If you have a suggestion for a fluid to try, please let me know.  Also, this
may be a good time to let your wife know just how lucky she is not to have
me for a husband.  IT CAN ALWAYS GET WORSE.  Tell her she just needs to look
for the blessings...  ;-)

Sam Michael